Eighth Day
On the eighth day, after a bit of a rest, God had another look at his science project.
Like many of us, he found that the world looks an altogether different place after a good nights sleep.
'It's good.' He thought, 'but it's not really cute, not really lovable, and who is going to cut the grass? I don't think I can rely on that Man to do it.'
God thought a good bit about this. And then, coming to a decision, in the way that gods do, his thought took form and there, on the grass stood a small white animal, blinking with surprise in the bright sunlight of the fresh new world.
God looked at the sheep. And it was good. The sheep blinked again, looked around and then settled down to munching the grass.
'What a nice little sheep.' thought God and he was happier with the world and knowing that it had a sheep in it, and he made a few more so it wouldn't be lonely. And then God forgot about the sheep for a while, because he had lots of other things to think about.
And so it was until Christmas came around. Of course, it wasn't really Christmas, because christians hadn't really invented it yet. In fact, christians hadn't even invented themselves yet, and it would take another 300 years after that before they realised that having a big party at that time of the year was a good idea, if they really wanted to sell their religion to people. However, everyone else already knew that it was a good idea and were already doing it, so it was effectively Christmas, in any case.
Well, God thought it might be nice to give out presents to the many birds and beasts, so he got out his list and worked down. Of course, sheep, being an afterthought, were right down at the bottom of the list. When God reached the bottom of the list he remembered the little grassmuncher.
'How are my sheep doing?' he asked an angel.
'Sheep are having a really rough time.' said the angel. 'They have very little they can defend themselves with. Nothing, in fact.'
'They can run really fast.' said God.
'Cheetahs can run really fast.' said the angel. 'Cheetahs can run at 70 mph. Do you know how fast a sheep can run?'
'No.' admitted God.
'No one knows.' said the angel. 'They usually get caught before they get anywhere.'
'We need to help them somehow.' Said God. 'What do you think we should give them? Flame throwers? Body armour . . . that was quite a success for the Rhinos. How about lightning bolts, they're pretty neat and real state-of-the-art? I've just made them.
'I don't know if armour or lightning are good choices for sheep deployment.' Said the angel. 'I'll tell you what, I'll pop down and ask them what they want.'
'Good idea.' Said God.
Meanwhile sheepside, Wully and Gully, two freedom fighting sheep were making plans. They had worked out that the main reason they were sitting in a field with lots of lovely grass was not their individual happiness, but had something to do with being eaten. Not that the sheep exactly minded being eaten - it was what was likely to happen before they got eaten that they objected to.
'Look here,' said Wully, the brighter of the two sheep. 'All we need to do is hijack one of those angels which always seem to be flitting about these days. Then we can get her to take us away out of this field and off to Cuba, where we can learn to smoke cigars and organise a proper revolution for sheepkind.'
'Angel. Cuba. Cigars.' repeated Gully, making a mental note of the key points of the plan.
'Now, you stand here and see if you can attract the attention of one of them angels, and I'll nip behind this rock ready to jump out when she lands. OK?'
Gully blinked, which didn't really mean anything at all. Wully hid behind the rock and waited. Gully looked up at the sky and waited. How exactly did one attract an angel?
As luck would have it, that was the precise field to which the angel was heading, on her mission to find out what gift would be most appreciated by the sheep. Seeing Gully in the field near the large rock looking up hopefully at the sky, she decided that he would be a good and typical sheep to ask. She fluttered down in front of a very astonished sheep.
'Hello, little sheep,' said the angel, 'and what would you like for Christmas?'
Gully looked up at the beautiful angel and blinked in surprise. He did not really expect the plan to get this far. Sheep are not very good at thinking about lots of things at once. In fact, they are not very good at thinking about one thing at once, so while Gully struggled to follow the single logical thread of the plan, whatever the angel was saying travelled completely unhindered through his sheepie brain and out the other side, without attracting any attention whatsoever.
Gully suddenly regrasped the elusive thread and realised, with excitement, that the plan might actually work.
'Jump her, Wully! Jump her!" shouted the excited sheep. Wully, however, did not have Gully's endless patience and had wandered off forgetting, of course, to tell Gully.
And this is why sheep have their own, built in, woolly jumpers.
It also, partly explains, why woolly jumpers are such popular presents at Christmas.
